Your Health strategies

How many times have you agreed to do something that you actually didn’t want to do? Was it a family member, a friend, a lover or even someone at work? You really wanted to say no, but it just never came out.  So you end up doing something that you later on resent. The result – stress!

Resentment is something to be avoided at all costs. The reason being that resentment eventually turns into bitterness. Bitterness is a toxic emotion that eats away at you from the inside turning everything it touches into decay.

Effective Stress Management Techniques for Resentment

The other thing to know about resentment is that it is really unexpressed anger. Whenever you say ‘yes’ when you mean ‘no’ there’s two kinds of anger taking place; The first is you  blame the other person for forcing you to do something you really don’t want to and the second is you get angry with yourself for compromising your personal integrity.

The second form of anger is much harder to recognize because most people get stuck on blaming others for trying to control them. The fact is that no-one can ever control you unless you allow them to so this excuse can be dropped immediately.

Once this has been dropped it becomes apparent that you are really only hurting yourself and your self respect when you give others the power to control you. There are anger management techniques that you can apply to transform anger into calmness but here's the fastest way to drop it.

The answer – stop doing it!

Yes, it may be challenging at first to say ‘no’ to others who are used to getting their own way around you because that means they have to accept that you are an individual with the right to make your own choices.

You have the right to say 'no' whenever you choose.

While you think that this is the way most people think about themselves the sad reality is that it is the exception rather than the norm. Why? Because we are condtioned from birth to 'do as we are told'  or risk being punished. Then to avoid the pain opf being judged or abused we learn that submission is the path of least resistance. The price  - the needs of others become more important than your own needs.

The bottom line is that you have spent most of your life training others how to treat you. If you don’t like the way you’re being treated then it’s time to re-train them. By saying 'yes' when you mean 'no' you’ve trained people to believe that you are a push-over and you are there to serve their needs.

Instant Stress Relief from years of giving your power away to others just from one word!

Just by changing one word that you speak the message you send out to those very same people is that your time and needs are important to you. This is so liberating, so energizing, healing and self-empowering that even after applying this just once you’ll experience an immediate rush of energy, confidence and power flowing through your body.

Do you always have to say 'no' to others? Of course not, only when you absolutely mean it. You’ll know if you don’t want to say 'yes' because the moment you say it you’ll feel annoyed. If that happens then have the courage to let the other person know that you mean 'no' immediately.

To your Great Life and Health,

Michael

The first step in being able to learn effective anger management techniques is to recognize the situations that make you angry and your body's warning signs of anger.

List things that can trigger your anger

Make a list of the things that often set off your anger (for example, running late for work and getting stuck in a traffic jam, your teenager leaving not helping out around the house or a co-worker blaming you for something you didn't do). If you know ahead of time what makes you angry, you may be able to avoid these things or do something different when they happen.

Pay attention to the warning signs of anger in your body

Notice the things that happen to your body that tell you when you are getting angry (for example, a pounding heart, flushed face, sweating, tense jaw, tightness in your chest or gritting your teeth).The earlier you can recognize these warning signs of anger, the more successful you will probably be at calming yourself down before your anger gets out of control.

Find anger management techniques that work for you

There are a number of different ways of managing anger and some strategies will suit you better than others. Here’s some simple ways to put an end to the vicious cycle of stress that anger can bring:

Control your thinking
 
When you're angry, your thinking can get exaggerated and irrational. Try replacing these kinds of thoughts with more useful, rational ones and you should find that this has an affect on the way you feel. For example, instead of telling yourself "I can't stand it, it's awful and everything's ruined," tell yourself "It's frustrating, and it's understandable that I'm upset about it, but it's not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it." Psychologists call this type of thinking "self talk."

Develop a list of things to say to yourself before, during and after situations in which you may get angry. It is more helpful if these things focus on how you are managing the situation rather than what other people should be doing.

Before:

"I'll be able to handle this. It could be rough, but I have a plan."

"If I feel myself getting angry, I'll know what to do."

During:

"Stay calm, relax, and breathe easy."

"Stay calm, I'm okay, s/he's not attacking me personally."

"I can look and act calm."

After:

"I managed that well. I can do this. I'm getting better at this."

"I felt angry, but I didn't lose my cool."

Take time out

If you feel your anger getting out of control, take time out from a situation or an argument. Try stepping outside the room, or going for a walk. Before you go, remember to make a time to talk about the situation later when everyone involved has calmed down. During time out, plan how you are going to stay calm when your conversation resumes.

Use distraction 

A familiar strategy for managing anger is to distract your mind from the situation that is making you angry. Try counting to ten, playing soothing music, talking to a good friend, or focusing on a simple task like polishing the car, doing the dishes, folding laundry or walking the dog.

Use relaxation techniques 

Relaxation strategies can reduce the feelings of tension and stress in your body. Practice strategies such as taking long deep breaths and focusing on your breathing, or progressively working around your body and relaxing your muscles as you go.

Learn assertiveness skills 

Assertiveness skills can be learnt through self-help books or by attending courses. These skills ensure that anger is channelled and expressed in clear and respectful ways. Being assertive means being clear with others about what your needs and wants are, feeling okay about asking for them, but respecting the other person's needs and concerns as well and being prepared to negotiate. Avoid using words like "never" or "always" (for example, "You're always late!"), as these statements are usually inaccurate, make you feel as though your anger is justified, and don't leave much possibility for the problem to be solved.

Try to acknowledge what is making you angry

Acknowledge that a particular issue has made you angry by admitting it to yourself and others. Telling someone that you felt angry when they did or said something is more helpful than just acting out the anger.

Make sure you think about who you express your anger to, and take care that you aren't just dumping your anger on the people closest to you, or on people who are less powerful than you. For example, don't yell at your partner, children, or dog when you are really angry with your boss.

Sometimes it can help to write things down. What is happening in your life? How do you feel about the things that are happening? Writing about these topics can sometimes help give you some distance and perspective and help you understand your feelings. Work out some options for changing your situation.

Rehearsing anger management skills 

Use your imagination to practice anger management strategies. Imagine yourself in a situation that usually sets off your anger. Imagine how you could behave in that situation without getting angry. Think about a situation where you did get angry. Replay the situation in your mind and imagine resolving the situation without anger.

Try rehearsing some anger management strategies with a friend. Ask them to help you act out a situation where you get angry, so that you can practice other ways to think and behave. Practice saying things in an assertive way.